Marriage Mondays | Be The Spouse You Want Your Child To Marry

June 12, 2017

You never understand a love quite like the love a mother or father has for their children.

As I sit and type, I’m watching Luke while he sleeps on his tummy, his chest going up and down. His face looks so angelic as his head rests on his right arm. A second ago I’m almost positive I heard him snoring for a few seconds, and I stopped what I was doing to lean in and giggle. But that’s beside the point.

He’s precious.

When he’s awake, he literally becomes more fun every second that goes by. Now that’s if Mom has enough sleep, because she’s learned the hard way that lack of sleep can determine your whole outlook on life. That’s a big lesson to learn, y’all. 😉

But as my love grows for him each day that passes, I can’t help but dream for him. Hope the best for him. Desire the most for him. I can’t help but find these deep desires within me that I hope and pray he experiences, sees and becomes.

But I also have these desires for the people he meets, the woman he marries and the family he has. Soon after he was born, I found myself hoping and praying for certain qualities in not only him but also in his future spouse. I quickly began to search my own characteristics and see my own faults as a wife to honestly find that, “hey, I’m not always loving or treating Jordan like a wife I’d hope my son will marry?”.

Talk about a different perspective, but it hit me in the face. It was good for me.

Now, I could honestly use this post to bash myself, but I’m going to give myself some grace here. And I could also use this post to brag on myself, because I’m not all that bad either.

But really, what it comes down to is understanding grace, growing from experience and the simplicity of “treating others the way you’d want to be treated”. Except in this instance, it’s—“the way you’d want your child to be treated”.

When I started viewing my actions (or past actions) through a filtered lens of approving whether I’d want those qualities in a future wife for Luke, it convicted me in ways and encouraged me in others. It opened my eyes a little wider to the wife I was being to Jordan, and well, that Lindsay in the past? She was younger; she was inexperienced and she was extended some grace for that. And the Lindsay now? Well, she’s getting just as much grace except in other areas she’s currently walking in and growing in.

I realize that everybody is going to have different lenses, different desires for their children’s lives, and that’s okay. But I think we can all agree that a few universal dreams might look something like the following:

1.     Loving them unconditionally. I hope whoever marries Luke loves him, his quirks, his talents, his sense of humor, his desires. I want to be more intentional about the interests of Jordan and love him well through those. But you guys, this isn’t hard for me. I seriously love the heck out of that talented man.

2.    Letting them be who they are.  I hope whoever marries Luke doesn’t try to change who is he—that they love him for all of the ins and outs that make him Lucas Brent. It’s fun, because we’re still discovering these now! Unfortunately, while sometimes my struggle with “control” seeps through, I put words in Jordan’s mouth and fall short in this area. Though, I have totally embraced the beard friends. That handsome beard! 😉

3.    Continuing to choose them. I hope whoever marries Luke continues to choose him even when the days are long, the quarrels are unresolved, the bank account is empty or the excitement is minimal. I hope that they understand the depth of the word “covenant” and work to fulfill their vows.  I hope they adventure well, try new things and are persistent and graceful through the arguments. This is something I do have to be aware of on the days that aren’t as bright as our wedding day—AKA daily.  But again, I’d choose Jordan any day.

Now while there are other specific tendencies of mine that I aim to refine or aim to continue, yours may vary, but I think we can all agree we dream for these little beings who have stolen our hearts. There are a million lessons they will teach us over the years, and I think this might be one of them. While I can strive to be the wife I’d want my child to marry, I know there will be days and times where I fall short. So often, you guys. But my intentions are good, and I sure love this Jordan of mine.

And yes. It goes both ways. I pray that Jordan and I learn how to teach Luke to be a man who tries to fit the mold of other parent’s dreams for their daughter.

With a perspective so clear for me as this, I can only imagine what our Heavenly Father desires for us all. What a love He has and offers us that actually never falls short. What a love that must be, which I will never understand.

Does this perspective resonate with you? Which of your qualities do you hope your child’s future spouse has or does not have?




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Lindsay Davenport is a newborn and motherhood photographer + educator based in Dallas and available for travel worldwide.

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