March 3, 2020
This past weekend, I traveled home to clean out my childhood bedroom and help my parents pack to move from New Mexico to Texas. There’s almost too much joy held in that statement that it makes it difficult to explain the sadness it holds, as well. There are so many emotions to unpack here. While everyone is so excited for us to be together (I mean, Luke is PUMPED), there’s also sadness in leaving behind a home that shaped so much of who I am today. There’s sadness and joy in closing a new chapter, because it means it’s opening a new old with much joy to be experienced and moments to be shared. Luke starts soccer at the end of March, and you bet Nana and Grandpa want to watch him run the wrong way and tackle in a non-tackle sport! 😉
As I drove home Sunday on my 7-hour drive, I had much (child-free) time to reflect, and it was so sweet. It reminded me of my college drives from Artesia to Las Cruces several years back. I always have valued the absence of chaos or ability to be still so that I actually can process. It’s hard with kids, you know? You’re constantly thinking of at least 3 scenarios or things at once, and it makes time precious and the ability to process scarce. But it’s so valuable. It was really such a gift to have in the car, because I typically have kiddos with me. I typically will be listening to their music or be answering Luke’s non-stop “why” questions these days (as a former SLP, I secretly love answering them though).
In the car, I was able to mentally process a lot of what I sorted through physically in my room. I threw away bags and bags of trash, but I also found pictures, old written homework from elementary to college days, past test scores, medals, high school dresses and everything in between.
While I could write a novel on what I processed, the summarized sweetness was this: I am who I’ve always been.
And that felt so comforting to be reminded of these passions and gifts I’ve always had–the way I was created. These have looked differently as they’ve blossomed, deepened and been refined over the decades.
1) I have always loved connecting with my people. I was created to love my people and love connecting with them. From as far back as I remember, I desired to be with friends. I feel most loving whenever I’m able to give my full, undivided attention to someone. This was seen through the pictures I had plastered all over my walls of friends & family, prints in albums, letters to and from them and even coffee dates over this past weekend with them. I love to connect with my heart friends and family–whether that be in Artesia or a fly-by conversation at our local coffee shop, Communion. Knowing this about myself, it’s no surprise that I would fiercely love to love my own family unit. I love undivided time with them. I feel most connected to them when I know I’m with them 100%–not working, not cooking, not distracted. I like to be all in with my people.
2) I have always loved photographing moments. Even before my farm-jog-days, I realized that I have had (disposable) cameras since my elementary days. Now, the composition and exposure was less than fabulous, BUT I have always had a camera in my hand! I have always wanted memories that mattered to me captured. Clearly, this has translated to photographing all of our family milestones, memories and candid-everyday silliness. We even sorted through family photos that dated back to the 1800s, and it even more-s0 showed me how passionately I feel about saving pictures. How incredible is it to see your great grandmother as a child? To think about who they were at that time, what they’d go on to do and be, what they were enjoying or struggling with at the time–it’s incredible. It’s even sweet to think you might see your daughter’s facial features in them. I have always loved photos.
3) I have always loved writing. This was evidenced by old journals, a high-school persuasive letter I wrote about how beneficial writing (no joke, this was eye-opening to me) was and even old GRE test scores. Even today, I feel more stable when I process through writing. This is an area that was the most formative for me as I drove away, because I’ve been feeling a strong conviction over my lack of writing these past several years. I mean, yes, of course, we have a lot going on, but this should be priority for me because of the way it keeps me healthy. I process well through writing. I hear the Lord through writing. I save special memories through writing. I was designed to be this way. I spent a lot of time reading through old journal entires to be reminded of all of this. And what was funny was–my test score even showed that this area was by far my greatest strength (lolz to the other areas + my lack of proof-reading at times).
I’ve always been a people-connecting photographer who thrives with a journal in her life!
It truly was so heart-warming, interesting and formative to see that 8-year old Lindsay held the same passions as 15-year old, 22-year old and now 28-year old me. I’m a people-connecting photographer who loves a good pen and journal-opportunity. So while life keeps us busy with the obvious demands a family of with kids, a full-time working dad in graduate school and a business-owning mom, I know where and how I thrive. But not only that, I know how I was designed to love and serve others–in these very capacities. I know while time is scarce, I can be my healthiest-self when I have the opportunity to connect with people; when I can photograph the moments that matter to me (and print them and plaster them all over my walls!!); and when I prioritize journaling with the intention to save precious memories and maintain a steady headspace. This are the passions, gifts and desires God created me with and for at my core. They’re not only for me but for others.
As I drove away, I expected to be flooded with emotions. I mean, if you know me, I’m a “major feeler”. I processed many moments on those farm jogs and walks, stopped to take many photos on those sunset drives and wrote many journal entries in that bedroom. But what got me the most was as I was processing, I felt really grateful for the timing of this move. I felt grateful for the rare opportunity to make the trip back by myself. I felt like God has been so gracious to me over these past few years to allow time to lay roots and find my new home in Richardson, TX. While Artesia, NM will always be special to me as it gave me incredible opportunities, special relationships and the best support, it wasn’t as hard to leave home knowing that I was driving to my new house that finally feels like home to me.
I have much to be grateful for!