January 23, 2019
Whew, okay guys, this post gets me all sorts of (good) fired up!
Many of you know (or if you don’t, you will soon once The Marriage Hub launches in a couple weeks) that Jordan and I are not the best daters. Or we weren’t.
Like, in college when we were newly dating, it was so fun and easy—he’d swing by to pick me up in either his black FJ that he had when we started dating or his tan Tundra that he still has (#Toyota4evvvaaa) today. We’d head off to dinner, a movie, an NMSU game or whatever the plan was for that date. Dating just seemed natural, unplanned and easy to schedule.
Fast forward a few years, and we enter adulthood. And when I say “adulthood”, I mean it hit FAST: moving cities, new jobs, buying a house, renovating a house, having a baby. Hi, I’m an adult now, I think!
And I honestly wish somebody had been blunt with us early on and said, “Date your spouse. Once a week. No ifs ands or buts.” The connection is important. The intentionality is important. Because your foundation and legacy you’re setting is important.
What Makes Up a “Date”?
But to clarify—dates don’t HAVE to look like what we made them out to be in college. YOU set the parameters for what a “date” is.
Maybe a “date” means the two of you go out to dinner.
Maybe it means you watch a movie in the living room instead of your bedroom.
Maybe it means you do whatever you’re doing WITHOUT YOUR PHONES.
Maybe it has a certain time limit on it.
Maybe it has some other special factor to it that you don’t do on the daily.
Heck, maybe it even means that you can set time to get ready for your dates (like old times before kids) and enjoy the process.
First thing is first, talk about what both of you FEEL like a date IS.
And secondly, talk about what you both expect to FEEL or get out of your date: connection, trying something new, visiting, etc.)
This will help you as you intentionally plan your dates with expectations.
Because Jordan and I got wayyy off track, it felt a little funky actually getting BACK into a dating rhythm. And unfortunately, once we’d 1) planned a time and 2) gotten a babysitter, it almost was fight-evoking to simply determine WHERE we wanted to go.
“I heard of this one place, but I forgot the name!”
“Didn’t we say we wanted to try THIS or THAT?”
“So and so posted a photo from this restaurant downtown that looked fun!” (Okay, that’s out of my mouth not Jordans ahahah).
So then it hit me: WHAT IF I created a structured outline of potential dates we COULD go on in the upcoming year? What if we took a few minutes in one sitting to simply write them down (each getting our own opinions), post the 19 dates in 2019 on our fridge or somewhere we’d see it. And THAT way, when we’ve found time on our schedule AND planned for childcare, all we theoretically need to do is: pick one of the dates from the 19 in ‘19 guide.
Jordan and I did this last year, and while we didn’t complete ALL of the dates, it was a MUCH better year of dating than the previous year! And by that I mean: we connected and felt connected so much more. Because that’s what mattered to us and FELT good.
Yes, we went on dates that were not on the list, and no I am NOT shameful that we didn’t complete it. The guide is not meant to be a checklist but simply a tool that should help connect you by helping you better plan out dates.
Pssst. And hint ladies and fellas: because you’ve written down these different date ideas and know what the other would like, you have ALL THE REASON to SURPRISE them with a date night too! But I mean, you probably need to know if your spouse likes surprises, because that’s also important. 😉
If you think this 19 dates in 2019 structured dating guide would be helpful, download the page here and be on your way to a year filled with intentional dating.
Because not only is saying “yes” to dating important but saying “yes” to trying is too.
I believe in ya!